Lost in Limbo

Oh wow...

Fri, 10 Jul 2009 05:25:13 GMT

Hello there, and good evening. Konbanwa. *bow*

I haven't been on here in... years? Perhaps I've logged in, but I've never really actually taken the time to get on and update anything.

There's still a lot of drama in my life, even though I've graduated from high school. I'm having issues with a friend, and I'm sure it will clear up son. I just need to try to be optimistic. I guess that's something I don't do enough.

It's a little odd updating this. I'm not even sure if anyone even comes onto livejournal anymore. I know a few people that still use it, but I prefer Xanga myself. I keep a private Xanga page for some of my more morbid thoughts.

I did get purple hair today. It's kind of exciting! I'll have to take a picture later on, when it's styled and made-up. I'll have to take a picture when I'm made up as well. I haven't been feeling too hot lately. (Mother nature can be a butt sometimes. T___T)

I'm trying not to eat so much, so I can lose a little bit of weight before I go to Japan. I want to be in good shape. I need to start getting into better habits anyway since I'm not in tennis or band anymore. At least I still have my bassoon, and I can play that when I need to.

I get to go to Japan on July 30th.

I need to take a warm bath. I think that would help me relax. I need to read a book too. I need to be practicing my Japanese.

Sayounara, ja mata.

Memories

Fri, 22 Jun 2007 06:18:05 GMT

I want to forget my past, and the memories that plague me.

But, am I running? Or am I afraid of biting the bullet and confronting my fears?

I believe I'm cowardly.

Yet, you hurt me.

You are one more scar that I cannot erase,
Nor can I cause myself to believe:

You are imaginary.

Get this scar out of my system.

Let me forget...

Even if it means I'm a coward.

Or please,
God,
Someone...
Give me the Grace to continue this fall.

And let the life of Hell be softened,
By glass breaking my fall.

So that I can die quickly.

End this pain.

My tears will rust your body,
And send my soul to ashes.

I will be consumed by the waves.

I hate changing.

Raindrops

Thu, 21 Jun 2007 06:08:09 GMT

Again, I haven't even updated this thing in like what.....half a year or more?

I'm sorry.

I wanted to let everyone know, I'm doing alright...

Ai-chan, my exchange student sister from Japan, will be returning home shortly. I'm going to miss her....

Almost makes me want to cry.

But, I'm alright other than that.

I am going to try to forget some of the past.

Everchanging

Tue, 10 Oct 2006 05:18:14 GMT

Been awhile yet again.

My stress has seemed to have faded. At least for awhile. This weekend was the serene peace that I needed, even with it's few hectic instances.

I've been talking to Tine, my friend in Belgium a lot. She always manages to put a smile on my face. Even when we're both upset to the point of tears, we talk and it all gets better.

I may be getting some JRock stuffs in the mail ^___^ Let's keep our fingers crossed, ok?

I've forgotten how soothing nature can be to the soul. Although, here, it is still hot as hell, I stepped outside to realize, "It's Fall."

The scent of Autumn isn't in the wind yet, but the feel is there. You can feel the delicate specks of the season in the wind. It's such a refreshing feeling.

It seems I've been taking my time online for granted.

Karma...such an odd thing, isn't it?

It's delicate like time; like the seasons. A simple moment, a simple form, movement or action can throw off the balance of life....of chaos, and cause a disorder unnatural to the world.

It's quite relieving to type this. Even if there are few that read it.

It's nice to talk to you all again. ^___^

It feel so good to be so relaxed; so at ease with my self right now.

Itoshii Hito

Mon, 31 Jul 2006 07:25:47 GMT

I feel so sad, but glad.

Miyavi is growing up, as he is expressing through his music. It's so beautiful...I don't know how to explain it.

As I watch him, I feel so sad, but he always manages to make me smile. Somthing I really need when I feel as though my friends have abandoned me.

I feel so left out sometimes.

I act as though I'm happy on the computer, looking at Japanese singers and memorizing their every feature....It's quite sad really...it causes others to act as though I'm a freak. For the few firends I have now to want to abandon me. I have a few that stay with me...that make sure I'm ok. I thank God for that. I thank him for my Family, my friends, my animals....the comforting things around me...my health, my home....my prosperity.

Sometimes, Japanese music is the only comforting thing for me....I don't know why. I feel as though I understand what they're saying, even though....I can't.

Only one exception:

"Cassis" By Gazette.

I translated that song through emotion, through my second bought of depression.

It talked of loving someone and not wanting your love to let go of you.....how I felt.

I was so confused. That whole period...I know now that I didn't waste my time feeling like that. But, I still am hurt and troubled by the memories. The joyous thoughts that haunted and plagued me, that I wanted to happen....the ones that did happen....

I miss them.

I remember going to bed imaging the feel of their hand in mine...their embrace...their scent....

I miss them so much, but I'm glad I still know them.

It's alright....I'll be ok.

I'm listening to Miyavi now, so I'm feeling much better.

He always manages to make me smile.

I love him so much. He is one of my heroes...my idols...

New Idea

Sat, 29 Jul 2006 01:12:30 GMT

i've decided to treat this livejournal account as it was originally supposed to be. I'll treat it more of like a journal, than just a way to keep the few that do read this up to date.

Today, nothing really major happaned. I'm worried for my Father. His health is getting worse, and I am so scared of losing anything close to me. I don't really seem to show it, but I do.

I love writing letters. Each time I receive a letter in the mail, I'm smiling for hours on end. The joy is just too euphoric. They really are my therapy. Even if the contents are sad, or angry, I don't care. It's nice to know that someone thought of me for just a brief moment in the day. I really do enjoy it. It's so nice. It's a relief.

I love letters.

I'm egotistical, but it's better than being conceited. Don't you think? Gah, I really hate it when my friends are upset with me. Even if our fight was their fault. I really don't like having anyone upset with me. I always feel guilty for the things I didn't do, and how they make me feel.

A lot of my friends play mind games with me. Many of them know of my easy guilt and like to trigger it. I don't know whether it's intentional or not, but whatever their doing hurts me emotionally. And it scares me. It's made me paranoid and even more short-tempered than I am known to be. They then get frustrated with me because of my foul mood, when they are the ones that caused it in the first place.

I'm rambling way too much.

Myspace Deletion (Comments Please)

Fri, 28 Jul 2006 17:11:46 GMT

STUPID MYSPACE

I seriously think someone either hacked into my account and asked for it to be deleted, or a dman glitch in their system deleted me. It will let me log in, but it will not let me go to my home page. It says that my account has either been deleted or I have asked for it to be cancelled. I didnt' do either of those. Damn thing....I'm so frustrated, but at the same time, I don't really know if it's been deleted.

If you have me as a friend, please message Tom for me or go and see if I'm still there. Please.

I felt like filling this out, since I can't get on Myspace, and also, I want to see how much I've changed:

What's your full name..::: Macy

How old are you..::: 15
Where were you born..::: A hospital
Where do you live now..::: A very distorted realm of reality.
How many siblings do you have..::: 1
What are their names..::: Eric
What are your parent's names..::: Mom and Dad

---Favorites---

Color..::: Red and Black, probably, but I also like White.
Number..::: 18 and 22
Food..::: Yaki Soba. Mmm
Singer..::: Hyde
Rapper..::: Ruki! LOL
Band..::: Changes with my mood.
Type of music..::: J-Rock/J-Pop
Radio Station..::: I despise Radios
Song..::: "THE FINAL" by Dir en Grey and "Carry" by Gazette
CD..::: Withering to Death by Dir en Grey
Channel..::: My Youtube account
Show..::: Iron Shef (THE JAPANESE VERSION)
Perfume..::: I like Ginger body spray personally.
Store..::: I have yet to find a decent JRock store.

---Love Life---

Guys or Girls..::: Guys.
Are you straight..::: Yes
Crush..:: :No
Who is it..::: I don't have one, dipstick.

---What do you think of when you hear---

Food..::: I'm hungry...
Friends..::: Heh, where are they?
School..:::Not yet......
Cracker..::: Food
Towels..::: Shower
Clothes..::: I need new clothes...
Eclipse..::: A character from "Demon Diary"
Spearmint..::: Yum
Kool-Aid..::: The stupid commercials. "OH YEAH"
Curly..::: Hair
Sugar..::: Yum
Weird..::: Cool
Shoes..::: I LOVE SHOES
Eyes..::: Look into the soul.
Love..::: Screw it; it's not needed.

---Which Ones Better---

Coke or Pepsi..::: Pepsi
Chocolate or Vanilla..::: Chocolate
Rap or Rock..::: Rock
MTV or VH1..::: neither
Email or AIM..::: AIM
Going to the movies or Shopping..::: Shopping
Hug or Kiss..::: Hug; it means more.
Walking or Running..::: Running; relieves stress.
Pool or ocean..::: Either
Sex Or Abstinence..::: Abstinence, although sex sounds intriguing.
Pot or Cocaine..::: THEY'RE STUPID
Beer or Wine..::: Not yet...
Black or white..::: Black; white is a bit too pure.
Curly or Straight..::: Straight
Boxers or briefs or boxer-briefs..::: Boxers
Thong or granny..::: None of your damn business.
Abercrombie or Hot topic..::: Hot Topic (Cough) Damn (Cough) Ambecrombie preps
Summer or spring..::: Summer
Skater or Surfer..::: Skater

---Last Section (Random)---

Are you bored..::: Yes
What color is your hair..::: Black
Righty or Lefty..::: Righty
Who's at your house right now..::: My pets and my schizophrenic parts and my friend Sami.
Did you ever own a pet duck..::: Sadly, no.
What color is your room..::: Red and black.
What are you wearing right now..::: My Shizuma PJ pants and a white wife beater and my jewelry.
Who are you sending my survey to..::: My livejournal
Glad it's over???..::: Yes

This is weird....

Fri, 28 Jul 2006 09:14:17 GMT

Macy took the free ColorQuiz.com personality test!

"Needs a peaceful environment. Wants release from s..."

Click here to read the rest of the results.

Dir en Grey....

DIR EN GREY: CONCERT (comments please)

Fri, 28 Jul 2006 08:46:35 GMT

Woot! I'm back! Kinda, even though I never really left. A lot has changed, well, just me being too lazy to log in and catch up with everyone.

Your Deadly Sins

Envy: 60%

Sloth: 60%

Gluttony: 20%

Greed: 20%

Pride: 20%

Lust: 0%

Wrath: 0%

Chance You'll Go to Hell: 26%

You will die in a duel.

How Sinful Are You?

That was just pretty damn fun. XP I gues I'm Envy. Wow, that's amazing. XP

Gah...the main thing I was going to type about, I can't copy from Myspace.

Poo ass.

Anywho...

I'm going to a Dir En Grey concert! YESHHHH!!!

I'm gonna sit floor level, Row V, Center stage.

Ain't that KICKASS?! Even though I'm far from the stage, that's still pretty damn close.

XP Ima gonna glomp Daisuke and Shinya...And then hug Kyo.

I reallly really really need a new layout. And I need to learn how to make them. >____

So true.

Wed, 07 Jun 2006 00:00:53 GMT

Amazing how right these fuckin' quizes are sometimes.

Your Life Path Number is 7

Your purpose in life is to find truth and meaning

You are very spiritual, and you are interested in the mysteries of life.
You are quite analytical and a great thinker. You have many theories and insights.
A life of solitude is perfect for you. You need time to think and do things your way.

In love, you are quite charming. You attract many with your confidence and wit.

While you enjoy being alone, sometimes you take it to an extreme.
You can become too isolated, shutting out loved ones and friends.
Express yourself a little bit more, and you'll be surprised where it takes you!

What Is Your Life Path Number?

Oh God not Again

Sun, 23 Apr 2006 06:32:44 GMT

I've hurt someone.

I'm sorry. That's all I can say. I can't turn back time.

I didn't want to tell you because you're unpredictable, and you would react as though you did today. You lashed out at me and said hateful things until there was nothing of me left. You said you wanted to slap me.

I know people will want to beat me at school when they see me.

If you are one of them, please take me into the bathroom and beat me. Just plain beat me. Make me bleed.

I want to see my blood; to know I"m cared about. But I want you to seem my blood on your hands so you can say, "Oh God what have I done."

I am depressed again. I will be isolated by my friends even more so than before. I have been through this about five times.

Please learn that I will always be like this. You tried to change me before and it's not going to happen. I don't want to lose you as a friend but I will mold myself off of my ideals, not yours.

God I just want to cry. I really do. I feel like I've lost someone important to me.

I"m sorry Roxanne....I'll take you next time.

I hate lying to you guys.

I may call you in to the counselors office if I begin sobbing hysterically. Maybe...

Please talk to me.

Indirect Conversation

Sat, 18 Feb 2006 17:18:12 GMT

I miss the days when we could talk, laugh, smile.
What happened to them?

I thought that you would go away,
That you only existed if I was close to you.

You did disappear, but only until I saw your eyes again.
That moment struck me.

You left me, my heart beating too fast.
I was feeling a pain I didn't know existed.
I didn't want to believe it.

Why do you have these strings around my heart?
You're so close,
Yet, I feel as though I can't touch you.

You physically don't exist.

I felt your comfort in my sleep.
I swore it was real.

I woke up....

Why can't I tell you?
I don't want to believe this feeling.
I want it to go away.

I'm tired of this pain.
I'm tired of having this heavy heart.

Do you notice my presence?
Do your eyes allow you to feel the same way,
That I do?

I feel as though I'm stalking you.

Is it obsession?
Infatuation?

Just a crush?

I hope I get to be your friend.
I want to know more about you.

Just please,
Make this pain go away.

If it means I have to qut caring about you,
To stop thinking of you,

Then let me drown here,
In my sorrows.

Confusion Arises Once Again

Fri, 17 Feb 2006 04:00:32 GMT

Hey guys.

I was in a blogging slump. I got bored and tired and I just gave up after awhile. Then I began to get some comments, so I had to update. lol.

Well, I'm confused yet again. Those of you that I've told know why. Others, hell, just keep on worryin' or just ignore me.

I just want to go up to them, hold them...comfort them. Why can't I? Why can't I just let them know how I feel about them? Maybe they know, but I want to know for sure. I've learned from the past not to trust others when in this situation. Although, I'm almost desperate enough to ask for advice or help.

(Sigh) What should I do? I don't want to be the one to take the first step. I really don't.

I've been practicing with both the JV and Varsity tennis players this week. Sadly though, not with my buddy. How I miss sitting next to him in BCIS. DAMMIT! Sorry, it just pisses me off. I'm in a slump just because we moved seats. Damn....

Anywho, the Varsity tennis coach has been telling me good job, and the JV coach wants me to challenge people to be on Varsity. I have motivation: 1) I told the number one Varsity Girl that I would be on Varsity after playing her and 2) the major motivation is that my buddy is on the team. I want to be his doubles partner.

Is it wrong to want that much? Just being at his side and hearing his voice was enough to keep me subdued. Dammit. Now I'm not satisfied with the little things. I just want him to tell me I'm stupid once more.

I miss him.

I gotta quit talking about this. He's already taken over my Art project.

Leave Comments if you have advice.

Macy

Back...

Mon, 30 Jan 2006 02:20:25 GMT

Angst Monkey

Which Tsuzuki-san archetype are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Hello once again.

I haven't updated in a while, but I'm not sure if I care anymore or not.

My mood has changed once again, and after being so happy for weeks I have fallen into a depressing state again. I don't feel like doing the things I used to do, and I want to cry. I guess that's what I get for holding in everything.

I don't want to allow myself happiness like the others around me are allowed. Why? What the hell am I afraid of? Rejection? Pain? It's not like I haven't been through it before.

My last relationship took more of a toll on me than I realized. Now I'm afraid of trusting those around me, except for a certain few of course. I just don't want to let myself be unprepared for the pain of what happiness brings. I want to break free of this reality, and believe in what will never happen.

Does happiness truly exist?

I went to my friend's Quincenera (sp?) today. She looked so beautiful, I wanted to cry, although, I didn't shed a tear. If only she could see herself how we see her, she'd know how lovely she really is. She looked like the most amazing princess in the world last night.

Although, I was having fun at her party, I found myself going into a daze of sorts and then found myself doubting myself. I want to relieve this stress...I want to play tennis, write, cry...something...anything.

Why have I waited so long to tell them? What in the hell is going on with my mind? I miss them already, but I don't want to believe that I care for them. The last time I got carried away like this, I ended up getting heartbroken.

Damn that relationship...it's scarred me. I want to forget it, but I guess it happened for a reason right?

I'll just have to face my fears, and try my hardest to forget my regrets.

Tsuzuki Asato

Which Yami no Matsuei Character Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Your eye color is dark blue. You rely on your logic

solely, and may have more mature interests

than many of your friends and family your

age. You can sometimes also be interverted

and lonely from a lack of understanding with

people, and can be rather frustrated with

some types of folke. Some may describe you as

cold and distant, and you are honest with how

you feel about things.

What Color Eyes Should You Have? ( With Anime Pictures ^-^ )
brought to you by Quizilla

Again, I stole blog funness!

Sun, 15 Jan 2006 06:15:11 GMT

Stole from Danielle, yet again! (Huggles)

001. What's your name?
002. Do I have a nickname for you?
003. How or when did we meet?
004. What was your first impression of me?
005. Are you still under that impression?
006. What's the last thing we did together?
007. What's the best memory you have of us?
008. What's the worst memory?
009. Have we fought in the past?
010. Do you wish we spent more time together?

What's the weirdest thing I've _____ with you around?
011. Done:
012. Eaten:
013. Drank:
014. Said:
015. Shouted out loud:

What do you think my favorite _____ is?
016. Food?
017. Drink?
018. Show?
019. Movie?
020. Game?
021. Book?
022. Sport?
023. Animal?
024. Plant?
025. State?

I say _____ and you say..
026. Spork:
027. Cheese:
028. Pumpkin:
029. Omfg:
030. DDR:

Have you ever wanted to..
031. Get to know me better?
032. Ask me something but couldn't?
033. Hang out randomly?
034. Steal something of mine?
035. Tell me something secret?

What would you do if I..
036. Ran away?
037. Randomly started crying?
038. Told you a secret?
039. Admitted I loved you?
040. Took something of yours?

On a scale of 1-10, how would you rate..
041. Our friendship?
042. My personality?
043. My sense of humor?
044. My listening skillz?
045. Me overall?

If I died today, what would be..
046. Your first reaction?
047. Your first regret?
048. Your last words said to me?
049. Your final gesture of friendship?

And finally..
050. Are you glad we're friends?

Rants

Sat, 14 Jan 2006 04:51:45 GMT

Time for Yaoi again. It seems to be my anti drug, but that doesn't surprise me.

What is it about the lust between two people of the same sex that is so intriguing?

Why is it that forbidden love seems so passionate between two lovers?

Why does gravity pull together hearts of those that can never truly be one?

I have yet to figure this as well as so many other things out. I really don't understand it, but I do know that "homosexualty" is indeed an interesting thing, although I, by all means am no homosexual.

"Only the Ring Finger Knows" as shown by the banner above, is a fabulous Yaoi manga; too bad they only have one volume. I love that book. It was fabulous. I really want Jazz though.

Misc?

Fri, 13 Jan 2006 20:04:47 GMT

I'm editing this because I don't think some of it is anyone's damn business but my own:

What's your full name..::: Macy

How old are you..::: Hmm...lesse...I supposedly died at the age of 25 over 100 years ago.....
Where were you born..::: in a hospital
Where do you live now..::: In my own life.
How many siblings do you have..::: 1
What are their names..::: Eric
What are your parent's names..::: Mom and Dad

---Favorites---

Color..::: Red, Black, and Shades of Blues
Number..::: 18 and 22
Food..::: Hello, it's food? Does that answer your question?
Singer..::: As of now, James Blunt
Rapper..::: WTF?! (cough) 50 cent
Band..::: Changes with my mood.
Type of music..::: J-Pop/Alternative Rock/Punk-rock
Radio Station..::: Don't like the Radio
Song..::: "Move Along" All-American Rejects/ "Rakuen/Paradise" Do As Infinity
CD..::: "Back to Bedlam" -James Blunt
Channel..::: Adult Swim/Cartoon Network and Food Network
Show..::: Iron Shef (THE JAPANESE VERSION)
Perfume..::: ....are you kidding me?
Store..::: Hastings/Barnes and Noble

---Love Life---

Guys or Girls..::: Guys.
Are you straight..::: Duh
Crush..::: maybe
Who is it..::: I forgot their name already.

---What do you think of when you hear---

Food..::: I'm hungry...
Friends..::: The people I hang out with outside of school.
School..::: I don't wanna go.....
Cracker..::: WTF? A food?
Towels..::: Naked
Clothes..::: Things you wear....
Eclipse..::: A character from "Demon Diary"
Spearmint..::: Gum
Kool-Aid..::: A drink
Curly..::: Hair
Sugar..::: Sweet
Weird..::: Me
Shoes..::: Any foot article.
Eyes..::: Tell you of a person's soul and desires.
Love..::: Screw it; it's not needed.

---Which Ones Better---

Coke or Pepsi..::: Pepsi
Chocolate or Vanilla..::: Chocolate
Rap or Rock..::: Rock
MTV or VH1..::: VH1
Email or AIM..::: AIM
Going to the movies or Shopping..::: Shopping
Hug or Kiss..::: Hug; it means more.
Walking or Running..::: Running; relieves stress.
Pool or ocean..::: Pool
Sex Or Abstinence..::: Abstinence, although sex sounds intriguing.
Pot or Cocaine..::: THEY'RE STUPID
Beer or Wine..::: Not yet...
Black or white..::: Black; white is a bit too pure.
Curly or Straight..::: Straight
Boxers or briefs or boxer-briefs..::: Boxers
Thong or granny..::: None of your damn business.
Abercrombie or Hot topic..::: Hot Topic (Cough) Damn (Cough) Ambecrombie preps
Summer or spring..::: Summer
Skater or Surfer..::: Skater

---Last Section (Random)---

Are you bored..::: No
What color is your hair..::: Auburn
Righty or Lefty..::: Righty
Who's at your house right now..::: My pets and my schizophrenic parts.
Did you ever own a pet duck..::: Sadly, no.
What color is your room..::: Red and black.
What are you wearing right now..::: My favorite shorts and a Digital Arts Camp shirt with socks.
Who are you sending my survey to..::: My Xanga/Livejournal.
Glad it's over???..::: Eh, not satisfied.

I don't understand some of the questions they put on these things, I mean really, is some of it anyone elses damn business but your own? I know, I know, I shouldn't even fill them out if I don't want to answer parts of them, but I guess I just want someone to learn more about my life with my want to tell them about it before they interrogate me.

Some of these questions I found hard to answer, I won't say which ones until a later time, or until I feel like spilling my guts to anyone that does read about me.

I just don't understand the minds of my peers; I really don't. Am I missing something?

Whatever.

Misc.

Tue, 10 Jan 2006 04:28:26 GMT

I have concluded that I knew Soji Okita, Captain of the First Unit of the Shinsengumi, in a past life, or I was him.

I took this from a buddy! (Huggies Danielle)

1. Name:
2. Date of birth:
3. Where you live:
4. What makes you happy:
5. Currently listening/the last thing you listened to:
6. Do you read my journal?:
7. If yes, what makes it especially good or bad?:
8. An interesting fact about you:
9. Are you in love/do you have a crush at the moment?:
10. Favourite place to spend time:
11. Favourite lyric:
12. The best time of the year:

- RECOMMEND -
1. A film:
2. A book:
3. A band, a song, or album:

- PLUS -
1. One thing you like about me:
2. Two things you like about yourself:
3. Look at my friends-list and tell what you like about one of our mutual friends:
4. Put this in your journal so that I can tell you what I like about you.

You are Okita Souji. Many people find you feminine
or think you are weak, but you are in truth one
of the most skilled swordsmen ever. You are
counted as a child prodigy for becoming a
master of your sword style at only 15. It's a
shame you die young from tuberculosis. And go
put on some more manly clothes.

Which Shinsengumi member are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Why are you hated?(detailed results and anime pics.Guys&girls)
brought to you by Quizilla
*Note: DAMMIT COREY YOU'RE RIGHT! I AM EMO!

You are Okita Souji!

Which Peacemaker Kurogane character are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Which Peacemaker Kurogane Character would be your Perfect Guy?
brought to you by Quizilla
*Coug* I *Cough* Had to take this *cough/hack* Test about *cough* 10 times before I got him....(Sob)

you're Okita Souji, the Shinsengumi Ichiban Tai
Kumichou. ^_^ sure, you smile a lot. everybody
seems to like you ^_^ .
you were 9 the first time you had a sword. now
you're the most skilled man in the Shinsengumi,
equal to Hajime Saito.

Which Peace Maker Kurogane character are you ? with PICS
brought to you by Quizilla

Ironic, Nein?

Way of the Shinsengumi

Sun, 08 Jan 2006 19:22:17 GMT

I'm tired, feelin' sick, and too lazy to do any of my homework. I know, pathetic.

Whatever, I don't really care right now anyway.

I just finished a new manga I bought yesterday, "Kaze Hikaru," I could say that I expected it to be more, but I enjoyed what I did read. Hell, anything about the Shinsengumi is worthwhile.

I know, I've talked about the Shinsengumi before, but I'm finding out that as the days go on, I want to know more. My mind just craves the information I find throughout these manga. I pick up any historical detail I can, especially about Soji Okita.

Captain of the First Unit of the Shinsengumi, Soji Okita was the best swordsman in the Shinsengumi, the only person really coming close to his skill with a sword being Saito Hajime, Captain of the Third Unit.

Soji died early of Tuberculosis, and to me, that seems unfortunate. He was so tatlented. I admire his character a lot.

Well, that's about all I really feel like writing, I know, you guys don't like reading about all this anime/manga crap, but whatever. Don't read it then.

Macy

Just because...

Fri, 06 Jan 2006 00:33:39 GMT

Happy (way) belated New Year! XD

Anywho, this is the second day back at school, and already I'm exhausted.

I am just tired and want to draw or spark any of my creativity, but the boundaries that school places on its students and personal is extremely stifling.

In English, we are about to read the memoir, "Night" a story about a survivor of the Holocast; a true story, nonetheless. I have to say it intrigues me, the whole Holocast, being how horribly cruel, and sadistic as it was. I find it interesting, the more I read, the more I get inspired to write.

I am an oddly morbid, sadistic girl.

I don't know why but when I write, I enjoy making my characters feel pain, no matter how excruciating or lethal. I find it thrilling.

Gosh I am sick, sick, sick, sick.....

Why do I think like this?

Anywho, onto a more happy note:

Lately, I've been running around yelling random things, especially:

"Look! It's pink! Like a PIGGY!"

I am twisted...

Entry OO14; Urzu 7

Sun, 01 Jan 2006 05:51:24 GMT

Today I have confirmed with my superiors that my attitude toward life has been inflamed by negative powers. This may not be in a good way, for it was caused by the enemy.

I let my guard down while the enemy was playing an entertainment item earlier.They seemed to have been careless and ended up disarming the machine. That is when my attitude became inflamed.

I have no means of continuing confering my thoughts with you.

Sousuke

(Translation)

"Entry: I am pissed off."

"Today I noticed that I had become utterly, and extremely ticked off. My parents were playing my DDR game and ended up breaking the new dance mat."

Just try to figure out the rest from there. I'm too frustrated to write.

Macy

Butterfly

Sat, 31 Dec 2005 04:27:36 GMT

Yep, no comments, as to be expected from my new layout. That's right, I'm blaming it on Matt. Nah, who am I kidding? I blame it on myself.

Currently, I am pissed off because I am feeling so many different emotions at once that I want to cry and it's causing me to go into an artistic block when I am inspired to draw, which frustrates the hell outta me. I'm going insane.

My friend Corey confirmed with me that I am emo.....(Sigh) I guess it's true.

I've read and own Vol. 1-22 of Rurouni Kenshin and am currently on an odd hype over it. I highly recommend this series, as I have mentioned before.

I have also been on a Full Metal Panic?Fumoffu hype. That is such an awesome show. I love Sousuke to death. I wonder why I deleted his story again?........

(Sigh) I'm feeling rather annoyed, sad, frustrated, and confused right now. I don't know why...although, I've been told I'm emo....maybe it's true.

Whatever, like I give a shit right now.

Yes, I know my language has gotten worse, but it's been like this because of my mood and temperment lately. Nothin' to worry about.

Yeah, what the hell.

[x] I miss somebody right now.
[ ] I don’t watch much TV these days.
[x] I love olives
[x] I love sleeping.
[ x] I own lots of books
[x ] I wear glasses or contact lenses.
[x] I love to play video games.
[ ] I’ve tried marijuana.
[x] I believe honesty is usually the best policy.
[ ] I like and respect Al Sharpton.
[x] I curse frequently.
[x] I have changed a lot mentally over the last year.
[x] I have a hobby.
[ ] I carry my knife/razor everywhere with me
[ x] I’m really, really smart.
[x] I’ve never broken someone’s bones.
[x] I have a secret that I am ashamed to reveal.
[] I hate the rain.
[ ] I would get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, free of cost, and scar-free.
[ x] I need money right now!
[ ] I love Sushi.
[ ] I talk really, really fast.
[ ] I have fresh breath in the morning.
[] I have semi-long hair.
[ ] I have lost money in Las Vegas.
[x] I have at least one brother and/or one sister.
[ ] I was born in a country outside of the U.S.
[x] I shave my legs (females) or face (males) on a regular basis
[ ] I have a twin.
[x] I like the way that I look sometimes.
[x ] I have lied to a good friend in the last 6 months.
[ ] I know how to cornrow.
[x ] I have a lot of mood swings.
[ ] I think prostitution should be legalized.
[ ] I think Britney Spears is plastic.
[x ] I have a hidden talent
[ ] I’m always hyper no matter how much sugar I have.
[ ] I think that I’m popular.
[x] I have kissed someone of the same sex.
[ ] I would classify myself as ghetto
[x ] I’m obsessed with my Xanga or Livejournal or Myspace.
[x] I don’t hate anyone.
[ ] I’m a pretty good dancer.
[] I don’t think Mike Tyson raped Desiree Washington
[ ] I have passed (blacked) out drunk in the past 6 months
[x] I have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life.
[x] I want to have children in the future
[ ] I have changed a diaper before.
[ ] I’ve called the cops on a friend before
[ ] I am a member of the Tom Green fan club
[] I’m not allergic to anything
[x] I have a lot to learn.
[ ] I have dated someone at least 10 years older or younger
[ ] I plan on seeing Ice Cube’s newest "Friday" movie.
[] I am very shy around the opposite sex.
[] I’m online 24/7, even as an away message.
[x] I have at least 5 away messages saved.
[] I have tried alcohol or drugs before.
[ ] I own the "South Park" movie.
[ ] I have avoided assignments at work to be on Xanga or Livejournal or Myspace
[ ] I enjoy country music.
[] I think that Pizza Hut has the best pizza.
[ ] I love Michael Jackson, scandals and all
[ ] I know all the words to Slick Rick’s "Children’s Story"
[x ] Halloween is awesome because you get free candy.
[ x ] I watch Spongebob Squarepants and I like it.
[x] I have dated a close friend’s ex
[] I have cut my self before.
[ ] I am happy at this moment.
[x] i find myself odd or eccentric.
[x] I feel as though those around me don't understand my thoughts.

You Have a Melancholic Temperament

Introspective and reflective, you think about everything and anything.
You are a soft-hearted daydreamer. You long for your ideal life.
You love silence and solitude. Everyday life is usually too chaotic for you.

Given enough time alone, it's easy for you to find inner peace.
You tend to be spiritual, having found your own meaning of life.
Wise and patient, you can help people through difficult times.

At your worst, you brood and sulk. Your negative thoughts can trap you.
You are reserved and withdrawn. This makes it hard to connect to others.
You tend to over think small things, making decisions difficult.

What Temperment Are You?

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to those who are unbridled, untrammeled, and free.

In love, you feel the most alive when things are straight-forward, and you're told that you're loved.

You'd like to your lover to think you are stylish and alluring.

You would be forced to break up with someone who was insecure and in constant need of reassurance.

Your ideal relationship is open. Both of you can talk about everything... no secrets.

Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment.

You think of marriage something you've always wanted... though you haven't really thought about it.

In this moment, you think of love as something you don't need. You just feel like flirting around and playing right now.

What Are The Keys To Your Heart?

Your Hidden Talent

You have the power to persuade and influence others.
You're the type of person who can turn a whole room around.
The potential for great leadership is there, as long as you don't abuse it.
Always remember, you have a lot more power over people than you might think!

What's Your Hidden Talent?

Your Career Type: Artistic

You are expressive, original, and independent.
Your talents lie in your artistic abilities: creative writing, drama, crafts, music, or art.

You would make an excellent:

Actor - Art Teacher - Book Editor
Clothes Designer - Comedian - Composer
Dancer - DJ - Graphic Designer
Illustrator - Musician - Sculptor

The worst career options for your are conventional careers, like bank teller or secretary.

What's Your Ideal Career?

Your Birth Month is July

Introspective and intense, you tend to be a deep thinker.
You are quiet and spiritual - and you have a unique perspective on life.

Your soul reflects: Lightness, luck and an open heart

Your gemstone: Ruby

Your flower: Larkspur

Your colors: Green and red

What Does Your Birth Month Mean?

Funny how those damn things turn out.

Yamato Ishida

Sat, 24 Dec 2005 06:42:12 GMT

MERRY EARLY CHRISTMAS!

***Note, you may want to look at my xanga (http://www.xanga.com/nerdgirlshortpants1822) to know what I'm talkin' about.

Hello Everyone! XD

How do you like my new layout?

For those of you that don't know me very well, or do know me, but don't know how the anime fanaticism started, this guy here, on my new layout started it all. That's right, it was all thanks to Matt Ishida from Digimon that I am now a flippin' anime fanatic. (If you want to, you can credit Pokemon too...although, Digimon had the largest effect.)

Digimon always has and will have a place in my heart. Especially for Matt, I was so in love with him it wasn't even funny. In fact, I was pissed off at myself every time I couldn't watch Digimon or missed him talking. I knew his lines and everything!...I even went as him for Halloween! XD

I was so mad at myself when the second season of Digimon started, and Matt, now older and better looking, had his band "The Teenage Wolves". In two episodes they sang and I missed ONE of them. It was episode 38 where you hear most of the song, the clip which I placed on my Xanga.

"I Turn Around" is the name of the song, and I finally got to hear what I missed, without seeing it and I am so thankful. I love it. I really really do.

I have awoken a dreadful monster inside of me this weekend, the Digimon monster. I was the self-proclaimed queen of Digimon in the fourth grade, and guess what? I STILL AM THE QUEEN BABY! YEAH YOU GOT THAT STRAIGHT! BWAHAHAHAHHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

(Cough)

Ok...well, I guess I will talk to you guyses later!

Macy (A.K.A: The Digimon Queen)

P.S. And if you were wondering, yes, Zack is extremely jealous of my obsession for Matt, but he also said that he'd do anything to make the relationship work. XD (I am totally psycho.)

DO NOT CLICK THIS LINK UNLESS YOU ENJOY YAOI!
http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a82/nerdgirlshortpants1822/mattxtai.jpg

This is so funny:

Your Seduction Style: Prized Object

The seduction game you play is tried, true, and still effective: hard to get.
You know that the best seducers turn the tables - and get their crush to seduce them.
The one running has the power, and you're a challenge that is worth the chase.

You are a master of enticing and pulling back. Giving a little and taking some away.
You are controlled enough to know rewards come after a long seduction dance.
Even though you want to call, email, or say "I love you" first - you don't!

You're style is the perfect mix of hot and cold - so much so that you have many suitors.
Think Holly Golightly from Breakfast at Tiffany's ... or any of those creepy guys from the Bachelor.
You're skilled at inspiring a chase. The real test is picking the person to slow down for.

What Kind of Seducer Are You?

This is just sad......

Thu, 15 Dec 2005 04:48:13 GMT

Dear Santa...

Dear Santa,

This year I've been busy!

In August I bought porn for generalshyguy (-10 points). Last week I gave ryuth a kidney (1000 points). Last Saturday I helped onilink across the street (6 points). Last Thursday I bought porn for sonnetofsilence (10 points). In April I donated bone marrow to cry_wolf_11 in a life-saving procedure (300 points).

Overall, I've been nice (1306 points). For Christmas I deserve a Lego set!

Sincerely,
nerdgirl1822

Yeah guys, I hope you remember all of those favors. lol. Just kiddin'! XD

I had semester exams today. Well, two of them anyway: Geometry, and Art. It was weird because Geometry was a bit easier than the Art exam which was a bit scary. lol. I was just glad cuz two of my exams are over with.

Both today and yesterday, I played tennis with the coach and it has been helping me a lot. Although, in Tennis, I seem to be getting worse, but one on one against harder people, I'm getting better. I'm just glad to play with the coach cuz I get a chance to really run and hit the snot out of the tennis balls. It really makes me feel good to hit a tennis ball as hard as I can.

OMGosh! Kitty drew the most awesome picture of our two favorite characters from "A Separate Peace" the novel. It's of FinnyXGene. XD! I love it! In the novel, the two characters are nothing more than best friends, but how the author wrote a couple of scences, it makes it seem as though they are gay. lol. It cracks me up. So now we role play this story and made them gay. It's kinda funny cuz she relates to Finny and I relate to Gene, so it's just pretty weird all in all.

Well anywho, I'd better get going, I have exams tomorrow.
See you guyses later.
Macy

Fly

Sun, 11 Dec 2005 04:32:15 GMT

Hey, I haven't updated in awhile. lol.

Today I went ice-skating for the first time. It was so much fun! At first I was extremely bad, but then I actually started trying and I was doing really well! The first time I fell, I was trying to catch my balance for about a full minute and then I fell and landed on my butt. lol. I ended up falling only about five times, which isn't that bad. But there were these guys there that I went with and they NEVER fell! It made me so mad! So I was trying to chase them and make them fall, but as soon as I would speed up, they would turn and I would fall. It was pretty funny.

It was so fun today, I really enjoyed it.

I've been extremely moody lately, but I think I'm getting better.

Anyway, I'm extremely lazy righ tnow, so I think I'm just gonna update some more later if I want to. TTYL

Macy